By KBC Associate :max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(749x0:751x2)/upset-senior-woman-040725-3efd7eeb026c4ba6bce31939fb42a3b2.jpg?w=1200&resize=1200,0&ssl=1 "Woman Hurt Her Partner Is Taking His Grown Daughter to Wedding Instead of Her")
- A woman says her partner of three years plans to take his grown daughter to a family wedding instead of her
- The woman, who shared her story on a U.K.-based community site, says she is “very hurt” by his decision
- The woman is now wondering if she should make her feelings known or “graciously step aside” in this situation
A woman says she is “very hurt” that her partner of three years has invited his grown daughter to a wedding instead of her — and she’s now asking others if she should “graciously stand aside” or make her feelings known.
The woman detailed her situation on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K. community site Mumsnet.com, a place where people can seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, the woman explained that both she and her partner have grown children — but that they have distinctly different parenting styles.
“My kids know they’re loved and supported but were brought up with boundaries and limits,” she wrote, before adding that her partner’s 22-year-old daughter “is somewhat indulged and had (still has) a privileged lifestyle.”
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“My [partner] had her late in life and she is, understandably, the apple of his eye, and has been brought up to pretty much have what she wants,” the original poster (OP) continued.
Additionally, the OP said that her partner’s daughter is currently refusing to speak to her or attend functions with her because she overheard the OP call her “spoilt.”
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“She didn’t come to his [her father’s] 60th birthday celebration due to having a friend’s 21st party on the same day,” the woman explained. “And when he suggested celebrating his birthday the following weekend she said she couldn’t as she was going skiing — paid for by him. He then took her away to celebrate his birthday on a subsequent weekend and while away, he rang me upset to say they’d argued as she’d called him useless.”
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The OP says she didn’t know she was on speakerphone when her partner called to complain about his daughter’s behavior, which is how the daughter overheard her “understandably” hurtful comment.
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The OP shared that because of the incident, her partner’s daughter refused to attend a family Christmas party this past holiday season because the OP was there, and so she did not see a lot of her extended family.
Now, the OP’s partner has been invited to a family wedding and he has suggested taking his daughter instead of the OP to “make up” for the fact that she missed seeing certain family members over the holidays.
“I feel very hurt that he has suggested this as I feel she could’ve joined us at Christmas,” the OP wrote. “However, I do understand that my words were hurtful to her and that it is hard for her to see me with her dad after that.”
The woman concluded her post by asking others if she is being unreasonable to want her partner to “stand up” to his daughter and take her — his partner — to the wedding.
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Opinions were divided over the best course of action for the OP — though many commenters agreed that they doubt her partner’s relationship with his daughter will change, and thus the OP should evaluate if she’s okay with that.
“I’d be annoyed if my partner didn’t see me as the default ‘plus one’ where invitations were concerned,” said one person, adding, “I’d also be reevaluating the relationship, full stop. It sounds like this man is afraid of his daughter and unwilling to put any healthy boundaries on to her behavior. That would really bother me and I’d lose my respect for him.”
Another person wrote: “His parenting style and his relationship with his daughter won’t change, so I wouldn’t focus too much on this wedding … and [instead] think whether you want to stay in the relationship and deal with this forever.”
However, the same person also noted that there is a chance the man’s daughter — as well as her relationship with the OP — could change and evolve over time.
“Of course she might still mature a bit over the next few years and improve,” they wrote. “22 is still quite young, and people do grow up a bit between say 20 and 30.”