Woman Accidentally Reads Husband’s Group Chat and Discovers He Doesn’t Love Her

• A woman shared on the community forum Mumsnet.com that she accidentally read her husband’s group chat with some friends and discovered “awful” messages that he wrote about her
• “What I read was along the lines of ‘I’m stuck in a miserable marriage, I wish I could have an affair, but she will take all my money,’ ” she wrote
• After the dismaying discovery, she made “a plan to leave,” explaining, “I just don’t think there’s any coming back from this”

A woman was planning a surprise birthday celebration for her husband and went on his phone to get some of his friends’ contact details to send out invitations. When she opened his group chat, she was “horrified” by what she found.

She shared her story in a post on the U.K. community forum Mumsnet.com, revealing that she saw some “awful” messages that her husband wrote about her.

“What I read was along the lines of ‘I’m stuck in a miserable marriage, I wish I could have an affair, but she will take all my money & I wouldn’t have anywhere to live or have anyone over, she can keep my son, I just want to keep my money,’ ” the OP (original poster) wrote.

Making matters worse, she added, was that her husband’s friends were “complicit in their replies, ‘describing it as a lose-lose situation.’ ”

The OP said she also saw “lots of messages about ‘hot mom friends’ and referencing other women and their appearance and romanticizing about ex-girlfriends, referring to a sliding doors moment and then ending up with me.”

She even found a picture that her husband took of a woman he saw in public and thought was “so hot.”

“It’s all really demeaning and disrespectful to me,” she wrote.

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The OP said once she found the initial series of messages, she couldn’t help but dig deeper — and she made even more shocking discoveries.

“I found messages to friends where DH has lied about me, made up things I’ve supposedly said, to make me look bad,” she wrote. “I’ve been a SAHM [stay-at-home home] for five years and he complains about me not contributing financially to his friends, implies I’m lazy, useless and never do anything.”

For the OP, the messages were eye-opening and showed her that “there’s a level of contempt towards me.”

“It’s clear he doesn’t see us as equal partners, doesn’t value my contribution at home,” she said. “It’s also frustrating because a lot of what he’s said isn’t true. He’s controlling a narrative about me which isn’t true.”

The OP shared that since finding the messages, she “sat on it” for three weeks while making “a plan to leave” her husband.

“I don’t think there’s any coming back from this,” she admitted. “I haven’t confronted him because I know I shouldn’t have looked at his phone.”

In the comments, readers sympathized with the woman’s situation and agreed that her relationship with her husband likely cannot be salvaged. They also urged her to get her financial and legal affairs in order in preparation for a divorce.

“How utterly heartbreaking. What a terrible thing to read,” one person wrote. “As you say, everything now is about leaving this piece of work. Seek legal advice and detach emotionally from this creep. Ducks in a row. YOU DESERVE BETTER!”

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Another said: “You don’t deserve his treatment of you — he is in the wrong here. Now, make copies of the messages, and all financial documents, speak to a lawyer and start saving money.”

One commenter even offered a suggestion for how the OP could confront her husband about the messages she found.

“I would arrange the [birthday] party and have a slideshow showing all the quotes from his messages on a big screen in front of his friends and their wives. Would be amazing,” they wrote.