Teen’s Mom Calls Her ‘Selfish’ for Graduation Outfit

To wear nail polish, or not to wear nail polish?

In an anonymous Reddit post shared in the R/AmItheAsshole subreddit, an 18-year-old shares the details of a “big argument” with her mom about how she got ready for her graduation.

“I told her I didn’t want to get my toenails polished for graduation, even though I’ll be wearing heels I just planned to reshape them and leave them natural,” the user writes. “She got upset and called me selfish, saying I only care about myself and don’t care how I present myself to others.”

She continued, “That confused me, because it’s my body, and I didn’t think skipping nail polish was that deep. She also told me that, ‘Only adults listen to adults,’ and that I was acting like a child who isn’t mature enough and started comparing me with my little sister.”

The post concluded, “Now I’m feeling kind of guilty maybe it wasn’t really about the polish. Maybe she just wanted to spend time with me or something else I wish we could have communicated better instead of it turning into a fight.”

In a separate comment, the user shared an explanation for why she feels she is the “a——” in the situation.

“I think I might be the a—— because I didn’t try to see where she was coming from, and maybe I dismissed something that was important to her not just the polish, but possibly her wanting to be part of the moment or to bond,” she wrote. “I’m questioning whether I was too focused on asserting my independence and not enough on understanding her feelings.”

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The vast majority of replies insist that the original poster is “NTA,” or “not the a——.” In one message, a commenter suggested that her mother simply has a “very rigid, old school idea of how a woman needs to present herself to be.”

“Or at least that is how I would try to look at her weird controlling comments,” the user wrote. “People with that mindset tend to believe there will be some kind of genuine benefit or detriment to presenting yourself a particular way (down to the tiny details).”

Another user agreed, saying, “This isn’t about the toes. It’s about saying NO to mom. She has responded to you saying NO by escalating. Everything she is dumping on you is simply manipulation and shame tactics to make sure you understand you do not get to say NO to her.”

The user goes on to explain that the mother is “arguing from emotion and not logic.”

“Emotional arguments do not make sense because the goal is not to convince you that you are wrong, the goal is simply to force you to comply,” the comment concludes.

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“Or at least that is how I would try to look at her weird controlling comments,” the user wrote. “People with that mindset tend to believe there will be some kind of genuine benefit or detriment to presenting yourself a particular way (down to the tiny details).”

Another user agreed, saying, “This isn’t about the toes. It’s about saying NO to mom. She has responded to you saying NO by escalating. Everything she is dumping on you is simply manipulation and shame tactics to make sure you understand you do not get to say NO to her.”

Multiple users called out the absurdity of the argument. “NTA. Is your mom okay? It’s toenails, it’s not that serious,” one wrote.

“No one ever needs to wear toenail polish,” said another.