By KBC Associate :max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(749x0:751x2)/sad-woman-041425-2-8f6a64d9f14d48f181e8521585334620.jpg?w=1200&resize=1200,0&ssl=1 "Bridesmaid Is Shocked After Friend Gets Married Without Her There")
- A Mumsnet user was asked to be a bridesmaid at a friend’s summer wedding a year in advance
- However, she has since discovered that the bride had a separate ceremony and is changing her summer plans to a party
- The woman confessed to being “hurt” that she wasn’t invited to the ceremony and torn if she should confront the bride
A woman is unsure if speaking up about not being invited to her longtime friend’s wedding will “spoil” their relationship.
On Sunday, April 13, she penned a lengthy post on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet, explaining that she has a friend of 15 years whom she considers to be “like a sister” and was a bridesmaid at her own wedding. The woman said regardless of living “miles apart” and being busy with kids, they’ve maintained regular contact.
She “happily accepted” when her friend asked her last year to be a bridesmaid at her wedding and busied herself with arranging the bachelorette with the other members of the bridal party, who she hadn’t met and all lived close to the bride.
“Bride has been a little vague on wedding day arrangements, but I understood it to be a ceremony with a celebrant at a stately home followed by a reception after,” the woman wrote.
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However, she received a message from the bride last week stating that she already had a legal ceremony followed by a meal with the other bridesmaids and family in attendance.
The bride confirmed the plans for the summer would now be to have a celebratory party with “bridesmaid dresses, hair and makeup, etc., the full deal that you’d expect,” but it won’t be a wedding.
The woman said the other bridesmaids didn’t mention that the bride had already tied the knot, and after checking their WhatsApp messages, it turned out that she had never been invited to the legal ceremony.
“I haven’t felt able to say anything as I don’t want to spoil this time for her but AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to feel hurt and disappointed that I wasn’t there?” she wrote, speaking about the bride. “I’m paying $ towards a bachelorette, and the expectation was for my family (DH [dear husband] and 3 young DC [dear children]) and I to go to the wedding later this year. I could have gone down by myself to be there.”
“My DH is angry on my behalf and is really not keen about going to the ‘wedding’ as it will be $ and was going to be a bit of a trek with our kids anyway but he was looking forward to it and now it’s well, feeling a bit flat,” she continued.
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Desperate for advice, she asked, “What would you do? Would you say anything? AIBU? I don’t want to spoil our friendship, but what friendship?!”
Responses to the post empathized with the woman feeling hurt by her friend’s actions but were torn if she should confront the bride.
“I wouldn’t say anything but I’d pull out of anything that’s going to cost you a lot of money. It’s pointless really,” said one commenter.
“It’s the fact that all the other bridesmaids were going and kept it from you, and you weren’t even asked. It’s not on,” another chimed in.
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While others advised the woman to put her feelings aside and go to the party, several commenters said she should speak to the bride first.
“I would have a chat with her about this and get the full explanation but I can’t think of many scenarios that would result in me wanting to pay any money to go to her upcoming parties,” wrote one person.
“I would say something like I totally understand doing the legal bit ahead of time but I’m a bit gutted that the other two bridesmaids and their families were invited but I wasn’t,” shared another. “Then I’d carry on with everything else as normal.”