By KBC Associate 
“How many women have you done this with? You seem like a player.”
This is a sentence one woman uttered to her partner, a 42-year old virgin, after we’ve worked with him on virginity coaching for about 6 months, preparing him to have his first sexual experience.
Prior to dating her, he had very little contact or experience with women overall. So, we took him step by step through all of the phases of meeting, dating, flirting, and escalation. For the lessons that were beyond the Somatica boundaries, we used diagrams and simulations. Find out more about his bra-unhooking story below…
Why a Virginity Coach Might Be Exactly What You Need
It might sound like a punchline at first: “Wait, you’re telling me a virginity coach is a real thing?” But once you get past the initial surprise, the concept starts to make a whole lot of sense — especially in a world that’s finally starting to embrace more open, empowered, and shame-free conversations around sex, consent, and personal agency.
For decades, “virginity” has been cloaked in cultural myths, awkward health class lessons, or overly moralized narratives. But at its core, a first-time sexual experience is deeply impactful. And like anything meaningful, it can benefit from support, guidance, and intention. That’s where a virginity coach comes in.
Whether someone is feeling anxious about being a “late bloomer,” navigating shame from a religious upbringing, or just wanting their first experience to feel conscious and connected – virginity coaching offers a supportive pathway forward.
What Is a Virginity Coach?
Put simply, a virginity coach is someone trained to guide individuals through the emotional, mental, and sometimes physical aspects of preparing for their first sexual experience — whenever that may happen.
Unlike a sex therapist (who typically holds a clinical license and works with diagnosable issues) or a general sex coach (who focuses on advancing sexual skills and relationships), a virginity coach specializes in supporting first-time experiences — what we often call “first-time intimacy coaching.” Their role is to normalize desire and nervousness, provide accurate and affirming information, and help clients feel more empowered in their sexual self-discovery.
Virginity coaches work with people of all genders and orientations as long as they are over 18. This includes people in their 20s and 30s who feel left behind socially, and even individuals in midlife or beyond who are exploring sex for the first time (yes, really — and no, it’s not too late).
We once worked with a 72-year old man who was finally ready to lose his virginity. Spoiler alert… he did! Virginity coaches also support folks who have had traumatic experiences, or feel uncertain about how to reenter intimacy.
Virginity coaches always meet clients where they are in life – offering sex-positive guidance without judgment, shame, or pressure.
Why Do People Hire a Virginity Coach?
There are countless reasons someone might seek out virginity coaching, and they’re all valid. Some common motivations include:
- Anxiety about not having had sex “yet” — and the pressure that can build with time.
- Curiosity — wanting to explore what sex can feel like when it’s not rushed or shrouded in fear.
- Religious or cultural influences that left them unsure how to approach sex as an adult.
- Unblocking the desire for connection — wanting their first time to be something meaningful and not just a box checked.
- Later-in-life experiences — where shame or awkwardness might make it harder to talk to peers or partners.
Virginity coaching helps normalize all these experiences. It reframes first-time sex not as something to “get over with” or something you’re behind on, but as a moment you get to choose — in your time, in your way, and with support.
That’s why this work is so powerful. It replaces shame with agency. Fear with clarity and confidence. And confusion with a deeper connection to yourself and your desires.
Celeste Hirschman, offering the experience of touch to a participant on the British TV show ‘Virgin Island‘
What Happens in Virginity Coaching Sessions?
Remember the 42-year old virgin at the beginning of this article? One time, in session, he wanted to learn how to unhook a bra – and we know how many people struggle with this.
Since Somatica coaches always remain clothed in session, I put on a bra, a tank top, another bra over the tank top and then another shirt. Then, we practiced escalation including some clothing removal (within boundaries).
He started touching arms, back, some neck kissing and nibbles, and then he took off the first shirt, exposing the first bra underneath. Now he had access to the hooks. We then taught him the special, one-handed unsnapping technique and he practiced over and over again until he could remove a shirt and bra smoothly and confidently… No wonder his first sexual partner thought he was a player!
So, if you’re wondering what actually happens in a virginity coaching session, the answer might be: less than you think — and more than you expect.
A typical session might include:
- Education on anatomy, arousal, and consent.
- Emotional support around shame, fear, or limiting beliefs.
- Somatic practices like breathwork, mindfulness, or touch exercises including how to escalate a sexual situation with ongoing consent.
- Communication skills for expressing desires, boundaries, and needs.
- Exploring fantasy and personal turn-ons in a way that’s shame-free and curiosity-driven.
Virginity coaching is never about pushing someone to have sex before they’re ready. Instead, it’s about becoming more ready — mentally, emotionally, and physically — should the moment arise.
Every reputable virginity coach works with a consent-first framework. You should feel safe, respected, and completely in control. If you don’t, that’s a red flag.
The Social & Cultural Importance of Virginity Coaching Today
We live in a time of paradox: sex is everywhere, yet real, honest conversations about it are still rare. People are expected to “just know” how to be good lovers without ever being taught. And while hookup culture thrives, many people still feel confused, anxious, or left behind — especially if they haven’t had their first experience.
This is where virginity coaching becomes not just personal but cultural.
- It helps to destigmatize “late” virginity and shifts the focus from age to readiness.
- It supports a consent culture where people know how to speak up, listen, and stay connected.
- It creates a space where pleasure and agency are central, not shame or performance.
Virginity coaching can also be very helpful for people who are marginalized — whether that’s due to disability, social anxiety, trauma, or identity. It gives people tools to own their erotic life – on their own terms.
In a world where so many first sexual experiences are confusing, painful, or disconnected, virginity coaching offers a radically different possibility: your first time can actually be empowering.
How to Find a Qualified Virginity Coach
So how do you find the right coach?
Here’s what to look for:
- Relevant certifications: Programs like the Somatica Institute train coaches in intimacy, ethics, boundaries, and emotional attunement. Somatica graduates receive certification through the American Board of Sexology (ABS), ASIS (Association of Somatic and Integrative Sexologists), and in some cases, AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists). These credentials mean your coach has done deep training in both sex and relationship coaching.
- Comfort talking about consent: A good coach will emphasize your right to say no at any time. They’ll never push, rush, or shame you.
- Somatic or experiential focus: Look for someone who can help you get out of your head and into your body, using experiential exercises to increase confidence and embodiment.
- An approach that centers you: You want a coach who listens more than they lecture. This is your journey, not theirs.
Red flags: Anyone who makes promises about sexual performance, pressures you to engage physically, or seems more interested in titillation than transformation. Trust your instincts — if something feels off, it probably is.
The Bottom Line
Yes, a virginity coach exists — and yes, it can absolutely change someone’s life.
Whether you’re looking for advice for virgins, support for a long-awaited first time, or simply a space to feel seen and respected in your sexuality, virginity coaching offers something too many of us never got: permission to move at our own pace, with intention, clarity, and care.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. And you’re not “behind.” You’re right on time — for your story.
As for the 42-year old virgin – we celebrated heartily when he had his first experience. He was so proud and so excited to have found such an amazing girlfriend to have his first experience with. And that’s exactly what this kind of coaching honors.