By KBC Associate 
Curiosity around surrogate partner therapy has grown rapidly in recent years. But with that interest comes confusion and a lot of misinformation. Despite decades of research and clinical history, surrogate partner work is often misunderstood or sensationalized.
So, let’s set the record straight.
Below are five of the most common myths about surrogate partners and what’s actually true:
Myth #1: Surrogate Partners Are Just Sex Workers with a Different Title
Reality: Surrogate partner therapy is a therapeutic modality practiced in collaboration with a licensed mental health provider.
It involves structured exercises that build connection, trust, and embodied awareness, often starting with eye contact and emotional vulnerability long before any physical intimacy occurs. The aim is healing, not performance.
Myth #2: It’s Only for People with Physical Disabilities
Reality: While surrogate partner therapy has supported many clients with disabilities, it’s also used by people working through social anxiety, trauma, touch aversion, or developmental gaps around intimacy.
The work is customized to each person’s needs, often helping people unlearn shame, regulate nervous system responses, acclimate to touch, and build relational skills.
Myth #3: Surrogates “Fix” Their Clients
Reality: Surrogates don’t provide “cures.” They collaborate.
The work is about co-creating safe, embodied experiences of connection, and guiding people through practices that increase self-awareness, agency, and confidence. The surrogate is not a fantasy partner; they’re a mirror, a mentor, and a bridge to real-world intimacy.
Myth #4: There Are No Boundaries
Reality: Boundaries are central to this work. Surrogate partners follow a clear code of ethics, including therapist oversight, and are entirely consent-based.
It’s about modeling healthy communication and respecting each person’s pace by not pushing past comfort zones for shock value.
Myth #5: It’s Unethical or Exploitative
Reality: When practiced ethically, surrogate partner therapy can be profoundly healing.
Like any therapeutic practice, it depends on training, informed consent, and clear intention. Many clients describe it as life-changing, especially those who have struggled in silence or felt left out of traditional therapeutic models.
Still curious?
Experiential, somatic-based approaches to intimacy are growing for a reason. We’re realizing that talk therapy alone doesn’t always reach the deeper layers of healing and that sometimes, safe, embodied, human connection is the missing ingredient.
Read this article for some historical perspectives on surrogate partner therapy, who should engage with a surrogate, and how to find one.