By KBC Associate 
As the lead sexologists on Virgin Island, we’ve had the profound honor of guiding people who are taking their first real steps into the world of intimacy. What we saw again and again on the show (and what we witness every day in our practice at the Somatica Institute) is just how transformational the power of touch can be.
But here’s the thing: most of us have never been taught how to touch. And even fewer of us have been taught how to receive touch in a way that feels truly connected, present, and pleasurable.
Teaching ‘Virgin Island’ participant Ben the power of touch
Why Touch Can Feel So Awkward
Many of the participants on Virgin Island came to the experience carrying anxiety, awkwardness, or even outright fear around touch. For some, it was because they didn’t grow up in physically affectionate families. For others, the challenge came from feeling disconnected from their own bodies, self-conscious about doing it “wrong,” or simply not knowing what to do.
If you’ve ever frozen up when trying to initiate physical connection, or felt a kind of pressure to “perform” during intimacy, you’re not alone. Touch can feel incredibly vulnerable… because it is. It requires presence, openness, and attunement, all things that we don’t necessarily learn in our fast-paced, sex-negative culture.
The Difference Between Irritating and Arousing Touch
Not all touch is created equal. There’s touch that can actually irritate or overwhelm the body — touch that is too fast, disconnected, self-conscious, or stuck in repetitive, habitual patterns.
You probably know exactly what we mean: that kind of mechanical touch where someone’s hands are moving but they’re not really with you, or even with themselves. It can feel more like going through the motions than creating connection.
On the flip side, there’s touch that can open the body to deep pleasure, safety, and turn-on. What makes the difference? It’s not about complicated technique. It’s about presence.
Guiding two ‘Virgin Island’ participants in the art of touch
Arousing, connected touch tends to have some of these elements:
- Feather-light touch that teases the skin and wakes up nerve endings
- Firm holding touch that grounds and soothes the nervous system
- Combination touch that mixes light and firm pressure in a rhythm that flows with the body
- Touch that follows the breath — slow, intentional, in sync with the receiver’s rhythm
- Touch that is for your own pleasure, where the giver is tuned in to how good it feels to touch another person
When you shift your attention away from “doing it right” and instead focus on what you feel while touching, you instantly become more present. This presence is what creates a circuit of arousal between two people — it moves you out of your head and into a flow where mutual pleasure and connection naturally arise.
Touch as a Path to Healing and Connection
For so many people, the experience of being truly touched for the first time — with no agenda other than connection — is life-changing. We’ve seen people cry, laugh, shake, or simply breathe deeply for the first time in years. It’s not always sexual. Often, it’s a moment of reuniting with their own body, of realizing they can feel, they do deserve affection, and they are not alone.
This is the work we do in Somatica. We help people explore and unlearn the habits and fears that keep them stuck in their heads or locked in shame. We guide them into embodied experiences that teach them how to touch and be touched in ways that feel good, connected, and authentic.
It’s in these moments that people begin to understand: touch isn’t just a gateway to pleasure, it’s a language of connection, safety, and emotional intimacy.
Danielle soothes one of the ‘Virgin Island’ participants with the power of healing touch
Want to Experience the Power of Touch for Yourself?
You don’t need to be on a TV show or in a relationship to start practicing. Here are a few ways to explore more connected touch in your own life:
- Practice solo touch: Gently explore your own body, not with the goal of arousal, but with the goal of feeling. Where do you enjoy light touch? Firm touch? Notice without judgment.
- Breathe with your partner: Before or during touch, sync up your breath. It immediately helps you land in the moment together.
- Give touch for your pleasure: The next time you’re touching someone, shift your attention to how it feels for you to touch them. What parts of their body feel good under your hands? What brings you joy or curiosity?
- Slow down: Most people go way too fast. Try cutting your speed in half and notice how much more sensation and emotion comes forward.
- Ask and share: Tell your partner what kind of touch you’re exploring and ask what they like. Touch gets better with communication.
Touch is not a technique to master — it’s an experience to deepen. Whether you’re touching a lover, a friend, or yourself, the gift of presence is what makes it meaningful. When we stop performing and start feeling, touch becomes the gateway to connection, pleasure, and healing.
Eager to expanding your technique? Consider taking our self-paced virtual class, The Power & Pleasure of Sensual Touch, to elevate your experiences at home!